


Don't They Teach Logic in High School Anymore?

by withpractice_ff



Category: Gyakuten Saiban | Ace Attorney
Genre: Banter, Domestic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-25
Updated: 2010-03-25
Packaged: 2017-10-21 10:34:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/224209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/withpractice_ff/pseuds/withpractice_ff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phoenix sweats the small stuff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't They Teach Logic in High School Anymore?

Edgeworth enters his home hoping to be greeted with the scent of dinner in the air and a certain spikey-haired defense attorney running out of the kitchen to receive him. Instead he hears that same attorney engaged in what sounds like a heated debate, his voice drifting out the living room. Not the kitchen. Blast.

"No, I'm saying it's a logical fallacy," Phoenix says. Edgeworth is just able to make out the words from his spot in the foyer. There's a pause, then, "What? What are they teaching you out there?" Another pause, then, "No. I mean, it's not like history or something, where it's just rote memorization. I'm talking about deductive reasoning skills." Yet another pause, then, "Yes! I am totally serious about this!"

Edgeworth enters the living room, leaning against the doorframe and clearing his throat. Phoenix turns around, smiling when he sees the other man, and says into the phone, "Hey, I have to go." Pause. "You wouldn't." Pause. "No, we won't." Pause. "Okay." Pause. "Okay, I really have to go. I'll see you tomorrow." Pause. "And you're driving me crazy. But I love you, too."

Hanging up the phone, he stands and walks over to Edgeworth. In lieu of a hello, he says, "Maya is driving me crazy," and then gives him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"So I heard," Edgeworth says flatly. He pushes himself off the doorjam and says, "It's late, and I'm starving. Come help me fix dinner."

He starts down the hall without waiting for Phoenix to reply, trusting the other man to obey. Indeed, he immediately hears Phoenix's bare feet padding down the hall behind him. There's a few blissful seconds where the only sound in the house is that of their combined footsteps on the hardwood floor, but then Phoenix continues, "So, I want your unbiased opinion here: Step ladders."

"That's not quite a question," he points out as they enter the kitchen. He moves immediately to the refrigerator and begins gathering ingredients.

Phoenix takes a seat on a stool at the counter and continues, "If you were to happen upon a ladder, would you think to yourself, 'Oh, a ladder' or 'Oh, a step ladder'?"

"In what context am I happening upon a ladder?"

"It doesn't matter. It's just a random ladder."

"It would depend on whether or not it were a step ladder, wouldn't it?" Edgeworth asks. He lays out the cutting board and begins dicing the onion for their stir-fry.

Phoenix sighs. "Okay, it's a step ladder."

"Well, then there exists the possibility that my first thought would be that it's a step ladder. But I would be just as likely, I imagine, to identify it as a ladder and leave it at that."

Phoenix frowns, watching Edgeworth's hands guide the knife through the onion in quick, uniform strokes. He says, his disappointment obvious, "That is no kind of answer."

Rolling his eyes, Edgeworth responds, "And yet that is the answer you were given."

The onion diced, he pushes it to the side of the cutting board and begins removing the stems of the snap peas. Phoenix watches him for a moment more and then continues, "So, every time we see a ladder, I always say, 'Oh, a ladder.' And Maya always tries to correct me, saying, 'No, that's a step ladder.'"

"You see a lot of ladders in your investigations?" Edgeworth asks, slightly distracted as he falls into a vegetable-prepping groove.

"Surprisingly enough. That's not the point."

"Then enlighten me as to the point."

"The point," Phoenix says, taking on the air of the long-suffering, "is that a step ladder _is_ a ladder."

"And?"

"And she's telling me that I'm incorrect in calling a step ladder a ladder! But it is a ladder! It's even in the name: 'Step _ladder_.'"

Edgeworth lets out a sharp laugh, shaking his head. He starts now on the pepper. "This has gotten you quite worked up, I see."

"I just don't understand how she can't see what I'm saying. It's a logical fallacy!"

"Is that so?"

"Okay, so, say you've got a dog--"

"I do have a dog," Edgeworth interrupts. "Which reminds me, we should let her in soon. At least, I'm assuming the reason I've yet to see her is that she's out in the yard?"

"Yeah, I let her out a while ago. I'll take care of it in a second. So, say you've got a dog. And it's poodle. Yes, it's a poodle, but it's still a dog."

"Mmhm," Edgeworth murmurs in agreement, but to Phoenix's ears, it sounds extremely non-commital.

"It's like she's ignoring the premise!" he says, throwing his hands up in the air.

"The premise of your logical argument?"

"Yes! My premise is that all step ladders are ladders."

"What's the rest of your argument?"

Phoenix opens his mouth to share with Edgeworth his brilliant step ladder vs. ladder argument, but then he has to admit, "Well, nothing."

"So you haven't completed your argument, but you're expecting her to accept the premise?"

"Okay, okay, wait," he says, waving his hands around. "My argument is this: All ladders are stepped devices for climbing. All step ladders are stepped devices for climbing. Therefore, all step ladders are ladders."

"Ah, but all ladders aren't step ladders. "

"Okay, yes. But you accept that all step ladders are ladders?"

Edgeworth ignores him, continuing, "Maybe you should try inductive reasoning instead. Something like: Ladders come in a variety of sizes, with no criteria as to the number of steps, but all are stepped devices for climbing. Step ladders have no more than, say, 4 or 5 steps and are stepped devices for climbing. So, all step ladders are ladders, but not all ladders are step ladders."

"Yes!" Phoenix says, slamming a fist against the counter in triumph. "That is exactly it! Thanks!"

Edgeworth shrugs. The carrots julienned, he says, "I could do better, if I cared to think on it some more. Which I don't."

"Well aren't you a Mister Smarty Pants?"

Edgeworth smiles. "Well, I used to teach Logic."

"Yes, yes," Phoenix says, moving to his feet. "And you were the best darn TA that school has ever seen! I'm going to go let Pess in now, you braggart."


End file.
